Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris can speak braille
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first.
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.
Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
